Yo Ho Tiësto
Um…what is this?
Tiësto remixes Pirates of the Caribbean theme song
To celebrate the release of this summer’s blockbuster Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest, Disney invited Tiësto to remix the title theme “He’s A Pirate” into a progressive epic trance anthem.
I don’t want to play the hater just yet. I really liked what Andy & the Lamboy did with “Now We Are Free”, the theme song from Gladiator. But isn’t the music from Pirates of the Caribbean from the theme park ride?
Because I’ve heard remixes of “It’s A Small World”. I don’t want to go back to that dark place again.
Geisha Girl in a Cherry Blossom World!
Everybody hates Memoirs of a Fucking Geisha. But for some reason, I have the song “Geisha Girl” by Janice Grace on high rotation.
Like the movie, “Geisha Girl” is a useless, derivative throwback. The Tracy Young Mixshow Edit in particular sounds like something Robbie Rivera threw in the trash back in 2000.
But to me, the song is so bad it’s good! The lyrics in particular are preposterous. Choice lines include, “Singing songs of long lost passion, she is dressed in high kimono fashion!” and “Caters to his ego! Nurtures his libido!” But I’m a fan of this particular verse:
Her face is a soft kind of tinted white.
Like a radiant Japanese water sprite.
Her mouth is a crimson covered berry.
He gently takes a bite and he grows childishly merry.
Water sprite? Really?
Tears Of A Clownstep
Because Wikipedia is awful, they have endless articles about Drum and Bass subgenre subgenres!
For example, I really don’t need to know anything about clownstep. But now I do.
As described, clownstep comes off as the Happy Hardcore of Drum and Bass. Yuck! Drum and Bass is painful enough. Listening to a subgenre like clownstep may cause my dick to cut itself off.
I would much prefer if clownstep was actually just music by Fatlip.
Just Like You And Me—But She’s Homeless!
It’s a battle of the Crystal Waters covers!
Two covers of Gypsy Woman enter! One cover leave! The contestants? Yasmin G. versus Chic Flowerz vs. Muriel Fowler! Don’t be confused by that double versus: this battle is one-on-one.
Yasmin G.’s cover starts with nothing new. Nothing new besides her English-as-a-second-language vocals. But that’s to be expected in cover songs nowadays.
Then, just when I was about to skip the track, all this electronic ephemera came to play. Smooth synths! The modern Vinylshakers-esque buzzing bass sound! And Crystal Waters’s trademark “la da dee la da da” turned into a computer assisted scat! Not bad, Yasmin!
Meanwhile the divorce case of Chic Flowerz vs. Muriel Fowler starts off very house and very fun. But it goes nowhere! It’s never bad, but after the first verse the song becomes invisible. Come back, Muriel!
Thinking this might be the fault of the “Kurd Maverick Boom Bass Remix”, I allowed the Flowerz/Fowler team to submit its “Basto! Remix.” But while Basto! has a harder sound, it doesn’t even keep the original jazz organ. Lame.
WINNER: Yasmin G.!
Congratulations!
BONUS SPELLING LESSON: “La da dee la da da” is indeed the correct way to spell Waters’s mutterings. Just look at her umbrella:
