URGH! A Music Blog


GIVIN ME! GIVIN ME! NOTHIN BUT CRAPPY COVERS!

Posted in Dance,Music Reviews by M on September 29, 2005

Tina Ann - Situations

Sorry, Tina Ann. Thanks for playing, Jaybee featuring Morris. But your respective “All I Need Is A Miracle” and “Shattered Dreams” are making Mike beat the Mechanics and Johnny hate Jazz even more!

For the record, there has only been one decent Mike and the Mechanics cover, and that was in that creepy Verizon cell phone commercial.

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Axwell That Ends Well

Posted in Dance by M on September 29, 2005

I’m currently listening to Together (John Made vs Eako Remix) by our “Feel The Vibe” sex toy enthusiast Axwell featuring Steve Edwards.

Who is this guest artist? I’m sure a Google Images search will reveal him:

Steve Edwards And Ashley Bambarger

Ooh, Ashley. Don’t let that one get away.

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I’ll have sex with you for a WordPress.com invite.

Posted in WordPress.com by M on September 28, 2005

Blogger sucks!

UPDATE (10/15/05): Obviously, my wish has been fulfilled. Time to start cocksucking.

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George Is On Crack

Posted in Dance,Deep Dish,Music Reviews by M on September 27, 2005

Hey, you know that new(ish) Deep Dish album? The one with the duo pretending they’re Vince Vaughn and Ben Stiller on the cover? Well it sucks!

None of the songs on George is On are terrible, but they’re all way too long and not nearly interesting enough.

So it’s time for some CD doctoring. Let’s prune this bush and get us a listenable CD. Just follow these directions:

  1. Play the European first track, “Floating”.
  2. Play track 2, “Sacramento”.
  3. Skip tracks 3-5. Seriously. Oh, you like “Flashdance”? Do you like stupid intros with bad Canadian accents? Flashdance is out!
  4. Play track 6, “Everybody’s Wearing My Head”.
  5. Skip “Say Hello.” The original is nowhere near as good as the Paul van Dyk remix.
  6. On second thought, add in the Paul van Dyk remix.
  7. Skip the Nicks.
  8. Man, “Dub Shepherd” is just that Armand Van Helden song “Entra Mi Casa”. Play that instead!
  9. Keep tracks 10-14, including the European “Bagels” and extended “No Stopping for Nicotine.” None of these songs are very good. Unless you’re stoned!
  10. Get stoned.

Let’s look at the results:

Deep Dish - George Is On

Great! Now it’s the bt album nobody wanted!

Holding Out For A Mylo

Posted in Dance,Music Reviews by M on September 26, 2005

So I’m riding in the car with D a few months ago, and he says, “Hey, let me play you this Moby remix I like.”

Uh oh.

He cut me off. “No, I know what you’re going to say. But it’s a good remix. And you know why? It gets rid of all the Moby stuff except for three words.”

And indeed, “Lift Me Up (Mylo Mix)” is 90% Moby free. It’s a pretty decent song to boot. The only other Mylo song I had heard was “Drop the Pressure”. As far as I was concerned, he was two for two.

But now I’m sick to death of “Drop the Pressure” in all its forms. Mylo’s other singles are too little, too late. Why listen to “In My Arms” when Cabin Crew gives us twice the Boy Meets Girl for the same price? And “Destroy Rock and Roll”? Mylo’s beat just gets in the way of those loopy cultist vocals. He loops selected artists over and over instead of retaining looping references to “Scooby Dooby Doo and the movie Ghostbusters.” Come on, Mylo!

I’m still holding out for Mylo, but he’s gotten lazy. And, class, what happens to a musician who becomes lazy? They become Moby. How’s that for dramatic irony?

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The Don of Johnsons

Posted in Pop by M on September 23, 2005

Miami Vice

Oh, Crockett, I can’t even look at your picture for that Barely Legal show.

Just compare and contrast with your bad 80s self. When you were a hot cop and a total rock star! Now you see the Fonz on Arrested Development and you want to be a lawyer, too? Don’t do it, Don!

I’M LOOKIN’ FOR A HEARTBEAT!

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Line Dance Fever

Posted in Pop by M on September 22, 2005

The URGH! Illegal Download of the Week? It’s Line Dance Fever Volume 13! Purportely, it’s a more recent installment of the proud Line Dance Fever series, still going strong a decade later. But take a look at these titles and artists; these country-friendly DJs know what they’re doing.

Travis Tritt, Alan Jackson, someone named “Funky G” covering Elvis — these are the line dancing standard-bearers you know and love. And while The Jungle Brothers “Freakin’ You” is only a latter-day Jock Jam, and the less said about the millennial update of “It’s Raining Men” the better, just two tracks make this a killer album.

It’s the one-two punch of The Pointer Sisters and Natalie Cole!

You could end any album with these 80s powerhouses to make it perfect. That awful Nora Jones? All she has to say is “I’m taking off early this album. Now it’s time for you to do the Neutron Dance!” And I’m sold.

So rock on, Line Dance Fever! For Volume 14 I want to see some Patti LaBelle!

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I Honestly Do I Touch Myself

Posted in Dance,Music Reviews by M on September 21, 2005

I Touch Myself

I wouldn’t mind the cheesy cover songs by the unholy Lee Brothers (as Soda Club/Love to Infinity/M*A*S*H/etc.) if they weren’t so damn catchy! Their “I Touch Myself” Divinyls cover (especially the Love To Infinity Radio Mix) has been blasting out of my car windows all week. When paired with the pubescent glamor shot of Stacie D on the CD cover, I’m sure I set off an Amber Alert everywhere I go.

But I don’t need underage-looking girls to feel like a pervert. The original “I Touch Myself” came out fourteen years ago.

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Comics Are Awful

Posted in iPod,Pop by M on September 20, 2005

A dog, staring at an iPod, saying it's playing Pearl Jam.

Ha ha! Fuck you Mother Goose and Grimm!

Nobody has Pearl Jam on their iPod!

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More Like GoldCRAP!

Posted in Dance,Goldfrapp by M on September 20, 2005

oohlala.jpg

Goldfrapp and Benassi team up? I’m sure that will respect my subwoofer…

Obligatory Music Blog Comment: Yeah yeah, “Ooh La la” sounds like Norman Greenbaum’s “Spirit in the Sky”. Who knows what further selections from the Wayne’s World 2 soundtrack Alison will steal next?

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