Forget about that fake Zep Reunion!
URGH has the next best thing: the exclusive musings of Robert Plant, filtered through the exciting “Web 2.0” website Twitter!
Yes, thanks to modern technology, you can have the peerless, mystic insights of Led Zeppelin all at one address, instant messaged to you, or even sent to your cell phone!
Even if you don’t take advantage of all that the 21st Century has to offer, you have to admit: Plant is at least as amusing and necessary as Fake Steven Wright.
- “Sultans of Swing”
- What it seems to be about: Playing in a rock and roll band.
- What it’s really about: Playing in a rock and roll band.
- “Romeo and Juliet”
- What it seems to be about: The star-crossed lovers of William Shakespeare’s play.
- What it’s really about: A doo-wop songstress meets a guy who plays in a rock and roll band.
- “Walk of Life”
- What it seems to be about: A talented young baseball player named Johnnie who can turn all the nighttime into the day.
- What it’s really about: A boy named Johnnie who plays in a rock and roll band.
- “Money For Nothing”
- What it seems to be about: Two men who have to install microwave ovens. Custom Kitchen Deliveries.
- What it’s really about: Two men who wish they played in a rock and roll band.
- “Twisting By The Pool”
- What it seems to be about: Twisting by the pool.
- What it’s really about: Twisting by the pool.
Bonus Misinterpretation: We know Romeo makes love songs, but does that mean he’s in a band? Indeed he is—he keeps the beat of Bad Company!
They’re your new Smashing Pumpkins!
Yes, these two newcomers join seminal Pumpkins Billy Corgan and Jimmy Chamberlin on tour for the new album Zeitgeist.
Their addition is supposedly controversial! But really, I’m just posting their names so I don’t end up calling them “fake D’Arcy” and “fake James Iha“. Though “fake James Iha” rolls so deliciously off of the tongue.
I don’t expect Jeff and Ginger to play guitar so well as to erase all of my teenage memories of the band, but… Let’s put it this way: the single for “Tarantula” did not upset me. At all. I kinda liked it!
Besides, it could have ended up much worse. Check out this fantasy Pumpkins lineup from 2005—predicting a 2008 reunion featuring Courtney Love! What?!
Everybody knows there’s only one celebrity addition you can make to an essentially defunct band: Buckethead.
I listened to David Guetta‘s new album Pop Life this weekend. Short review: it doesn’t quite get all the way up the hill!
Guetta’s Just A Little More Love was a surprisingly terrific album. I went into it knowing that the singles were excellent, but I didn’t expect Guetta to keep up that quality and lush production for every single track. There wasn’t one bad track; even the unnecessary David Bowie remix was surprisingly well done.
Based on the monotonous first single “Love is Gone”, I didn’t have the same high hopes for Pop Life. Guetta still has a strong sense for the album form; every track is tight and never lost my attention. This time around, though, everything felt perfunctory. There were no new, exciting highs!
Guetta does try some new directions, but they mostly fizzle out. “Never Take Away My Freedom” is like if the Funky Green Dogs were asked to do a song on the Braveheart soundtrack—stealing a riff from Ace of Base along the way. It’s just surreal. Meanwhile, the song “Winner of the Game” seems to mix the generic pop-rock of today’s bands with imitation Type O Negative vocals. It’s certainly unique, but it doesn’t get us anywhere.
On his second album, the unfortunately named Guetta Blaster, Guetta put out my favorite fake Depeche Mode song: “The World Is Mine.” On his new album, he comes up with “This is Not a Love Song,” which if anything is fake Armand Van Helden. I don’t want that!
Let me repeat, Pop Life isn’t bad! Each track is solid, but Guetta’s great hooks and unique production don’t develop into full-fledged songs. There are rewards here, but just one great song would juice up the entire album. Pop Life feels like a missed opportunity.
Next time around, Mr. Guetta, give us a killer single!
I just found out there is a God: Erire be thy name!
Yes, I was overjoyed to discover that singer/songwriter Erire Obano not only provides the golden-delicious vocals for Stonebridge‘s “S.O.S.”, but also for the profoundly awesome Haji and Emanuel cover of “Take Me Away”. As you’re aware, I have pledged a blood oath in defense of both of these songs. Imagine my joy to find that they benefited from the talents of the same fair maiden!
Obano’s voice is filled with uncontained enthusiasm; her words leak warmth during the verses before giving way to a flood of pure, concentrated optimism in vocal form. She’s a knockout!
According to her bio, Obano is Nigerian-Irish. Meanwhile Seamus Haji is an Irish-Indian Londoner. Ireland is officially now the world’s coolest melting pot.
Sadly, I don’t know how to pronounce Obano’s name, so I just rhyme it with “Kyrie Eleison” like Mr. Mister. I’m sure she and her top-shelf producers can make even that song a legitimate dancefloor hit.
Meg White seems to all but campaign for a stylistic comparison to Led Zeppelin‘s dear, departed Bonzo. It’s especially obvious on the White Stripes‘s current “Icky Thump” single, which contains a concentrated dose of your weekly recommended dosage of “Black Dog” drum fills.
Even so, I’m surprised Pitchfork snatched Meg’s bait and unloaded a double-whammy dis—on both Meg and Bonham!
Meg White once again puts the lie to the theory that John Bonham like totally made Led Zeppelin bro, squeezing the most from her limited repertoire and unsteady tempo …
And that’s supposed to be a compliment!
I’m not sure which is worse: Meg White making John Bonham look bad? Or Meg White making Jason Bonham look good!
Their toxic Paul McCartney promotion is just about over with, but apparently it’s still not safe for me to walk into a Starbucks.
While waiting for my five -dollar Strawberry Quik, I heard a wretched, bogus baritone coming from the store speakers. Then I recognized the lyrics: this was a Sade cover! “There is a woman in Somalia!”—It’s “Pearls”!
And then, to back up this white-boy intercontinental crooning: some Santana-esque guitar!
I busted out in full-on laughter. People stared; it was bad. But it was so ridiculously insulting that I couldn’t believe this cover was actually happening.
Then I did a search: this cover is from Angelique Kidjo‘s new album Djin Djin, a collection of adult contemporary duets. The offenders on this track were Josh Groban and Carlos Santana himself!
Kidjo is African, so she has enough cred to cover a song about the harsh lives of African women. But Santana is even less evocative of Somalia than Toto is. And Groban is just plain awful.
I can’t understand why anyone would give some smarmy white guy any sort of authority on problems facing the African—oh wait:
Oh Michael Jackson.
“The girl is mine”, but “the kid is not my son”?
Ain’t that just like a man?