High-profile blogger Paul Ford cuts mercilessly into the joys of bad taste. His unspoken target? The Onion AV Club’s Random Rules!
The structure of the argument:
- I, the author, am an extraordinarily intelligent and cool person;
- But I do listen to music that is considered to be shit;
- However, this music (pick one):
- is actually good, and you, dear reader, are too much of a snob too enjoy it; or
- is not actually good, but despite my impeccable taste I deign to listen to it for amusement.
In either case I am awesome. Deerhoof.
A look at the page for Random Rules all but validates Ford’s mockery of the formula. Ford also rips into the lack of women participating in this process and the fey habits of, um, music dweebs with silly facial hair.
I am fortunate enough that my iPod is filled with dance and rap compilations that I have paid almost no attention to. If I like one track out of 24 songs, they all go in. Because of this any use of “Shuffle Songs” on my part leads to head scratching and the words, “I’ve never heard of these people before.” There is no delight, no embarrassment. Just indefensibly useless music.
Oh iPod, you’re just as perverted as me.
For Christmas I acquired the extended version of Berlin‘s “Sex (I’m A…)”. I love the song, but this version does nothing to justify its eight-minute run. Only after the song ends do we get anything new: a half-gasp, half-giggle from Terri Nunn, followed by her voice, “I think we hit orgasm.”
Immediately after her words? The bassline introduction to Come On Eileen.
Well shuffled, iPod!
D started raving to me the other week about the band Rinôçérôse, praising both of their latest albums even though they skipped genres from electronic jazz to hard rock.
Or vice versa; I wasn’t paying attention and told him I’ve never heard of this band. D then explained that the Rinôçérôse song Cubicle was being used in the latest iPod ad.
I had already seen that ad, but with the sound off. I was afraid to turn the sound on, because from the setting I was sure the ad’s soundtrack would be “We Built This City” by Starship…
No joke kids! We were iPodding it around town listening to Paul Oakenfold‘s new single “Faster Kill Pussycat”—starring Brittany Murphy on vocals!
Let’s admit it up front: “Pussycat” is a blatant rip-off of Deep Dish’s “Flashdance”, letting a guitar sample chug away while a smooth female vocal rolls over top.
But I said it before: “Flashdance” goes from a killer hook to nowhere in three minutes flat. Oakenchoad avoids this misstep by letting the sonics build up underneath and letting loose with a big, trashy finale! You can ride this single all the way! Plus Miss Murphy holds her own on the mic and is a real treat to listen to.
In fact (and here’s where the no-joke comes in) I thought there was too much build to “Pussycat” at first. At the end of the song, with things already loud, I heard a fire engine’s siren roaring on top of the track in time with the music. “All right Oakenchoad,” I thought, “that’s quite unnecessary.”
Then a fire engine raced past in front of me on the road, not part of my iPod experience at all.
So I guess that makes the version of “Faster Kill Pussycat” I listened to ambient music, huh?
Congratulations to the bloggers who thought of the following phrase before I did:
The Wild, The Innocent, and the iPod Shuffle
- Mr. Hank Silvers—He coined the phrase a year ago just to get it onto the Internet. Bravo!
- Mr. Josh Turiel—Don’t be fooled! Turiel used this knockout title in an October entry, leading into a terribly uninteresting first paragraph about price discounts. Then it’s sentence on top of sentence about his toddler’s every bowel movement! Dude, I came here for The Boss! Now I can’t eat! Here’s a new rule: if you breed, you can’t blog. Period.
- Mr. Demet Hadgis—He used the phrase beautifully one month ago to describe a drive home and his descent into insanity. And BRUUUUUUCE!