ATTENTION ASIAN WOMEN!
It may take two decades, but you will be replaced by a white girl:
And they don’t come much whiter than bluegrass musicians….
For context, Alison Krauss recently teamed up with John Waite to remake his 80s hit “Missing You”. But history is being whitewashed!
1984: John Waite pisses off his Asian girlfriend and she moves out. She quickly becomes a famous model and he sees her everywhere. But when she comes back to his apartment, he has his headphones on and can’t hear her knocking! The course of interracial love never did run smooth!
2007: John Waite records “Missing You” as a duet with Alison Krauss. The connection they share in the studio leads to a friendly handshake afterwards, but soon John decides to turn around and pursue Alison. To rape her! That’s true white people love!
Bonus Bluegrass Pedantry: Can we really consider Krauss’s version of “Missing You” to be bluegrass? It employs a string section as syrupy as any Diane Warren abomination, with only the faintest of guitar picking. If all it takes is a slight gesture of acoustic plucking, then everything up to Days of the New II is a bluegrass album. Perhaps Travis Meeks should make that career move.
In the outro for his song “Wouldn’t Get Far”, The Game notes that he sees the same “bitches” dancing in videos for Snoop Dogg, Lil Wheezy—and for Hurricane Katrina coverage “floating away on the hood of a Camry”! A college student with a Katrinablog wisely asks:
Has hip-hop gone that far that even something as catastrophic as Hurricane Katrina is used as a punch line to degrade women?
Indeed it has! The track even features an amoral Kanye West, still somehow the patron saint of Katrina coverage, reveling in his promiscuity.
The “Wouldn’t Get Far” video doesn’t contain the offending outro and features some self-mocking, Pop-Up Video humor. Even this doesn’t balance the song’s abhorrent subject matter, though: calling out hip-hop groupies by name and repeating every sexually-based rumor about them. Kanye doesn’t list any specific golddiggers, but The Game seems determined to document as much slutty behavior as he can fit into four minutes.
I actually think keeping Katrina in the public eye is a good thing, and I’m glad to see it even under these circumstances. And I don’t necessarily think a song mocking the girls that bump-and-grind in videos is a bad idea. But there’s nothing good about what Kanye and The Game have done here. Shame on both of you!
Image! It sears into our brains. Through photos, music videos, concerts, even MySpace profiles, image can taint the music we hear with content that’s prejudicial, contradictory, or merely distasteful. It stopped being about the music, man!
I don’t like the Thompson Twins, but is that only because I saw their hideous hairstyles and outfits in my youth? I like Howard Jones, and he looked just as bad. Only I didn’t know it then.
And what about Boston? Boston has seemingly thrived on radio alone; even their greatest hits album contains no images of the band. I honestly know nothing about Boston besides its spaceship. They may be the closest thing to a Platonic ideal of pure sound.
Up until a few months ago, I would have put New Order into this category. The only image I associated with the band featured nothing but four words. The group’s music (at least up until Substance) is golden. But their videos aren’t very good at all.
Take a look at the videos for “Bizarre Love Triangle” and “Blue Monday”. They are hodge-podges of 80s video art, scrambled and disorganized, completely unlike the insistent, rhythmic synthpop of the music. I never wanted to associate “Blue Monday” with a big gray dog, but there you go. Meanwhile “Bizarre Love Triangle” features grating video effects throbbing over top of Koyaanisqatsi-lite footage. It’s illness-inducing!
But the “Bizarre Love Triangle” video also features a curious cutaway to something that seems like a film clip. The music cuts out as two people argue about reincarnation and being “a real up person.” Internet clues suggest that this scene was created for the video.
If so, it’s the best thing about either song’s video, and it features no New Order music. These videos may have been ambitious, but I can’t reconcile them with the music I love. Images!
Check it out! Swiss blogger Mischi-Man turns us on to the new DT8 Project video for “Destination”, featuring Roxanne Wilde!
This is smooth, this is wonderful, and I want to hear all the remixes. Where can I steal them?!
Please allow me to second every single word YouTube user kevjohn2006 says about Mos Def‘s video for “Ms. Fat Booty”:
Damn, I didn’t even know there was a video for this song. Thanks for never playing videos anymore, MTV! Asswipes.
And BET is steadily playing those weak-ass platinum-mouthed imitation thugs instead of anything resembling real rap.
“I got to have it!”
A young boy, an outcast, lies on his bed, sullenly staring at a poster on his wall. Suddenly, the poster’s blonde occupant comes to life, making the boy’s fantasy a reality.
What music video is this? It’s not the one you think:
It’s got to be Nelson‘s “After The Rain”, right? Wrong! But what other musician is so sensitive? So soulful? So blonde?
It’s “Nothing In This World”, the new single by celebrity vagina Paris Hilton!
Thankfully we never see this fantasy Paris actually step out of the poster; she merely makes a sudden appearance in this boy’s room. And the rest of the video rips off other videos like “Hot For Teacher” instead.
But why does this pre-pubescent boy even have Paris Hilton posters? Simple: upon adolescence, he wants Paris to be the first person he masturbates to. And if he’s gay, she’ll still probably be the first person he masturbates to. Only when it’s too late will we realize that we have all masturbated to Paris Hilton, and its what she wanted all along.
PS: There really needs to be an I-Mockery analysis of this Nelson video. From its Evil Dead II-inspired time travel to its influence on The Matrix‘s “red-pill-blue-pill” scene, there’s a wealth of subtext underneath all that twerp-ass music.
Everything about Ludacris‘s “Money Maker” is funny.
With Justin Timberlake bringing more “sexy” back than expected, the song may never move to Billboard’s number one spot. But Luda, you and Pharrell are number one in our hearts. And on BET.
First of all, Ludacris should not end every line with a rising “UHH???”. It’s instant self-parody. “Money make-UHH???” will do for Luda what “shizzle” did for Snoop: make him a walking punchline.
At this point in the rap game, you might think that we’ve run out of new ways to combine guns, bitches, and money (my favorite Jared Diamond book!). Not so! Ludacris gives us the following: a bitch shooting a money gun!
Also funny: text messages!
Why is this funny? The woman in the video had to stop shaking her money maker to read this message.
There’s a whole lot more; I didn’t even take a picture of the woman in the David Lee Roth pants. Yes, even without his former Fraggle Rock hairstyle, Ludacris has enough absurdity in this video to make it fun viewing for the whole family. Also, feminism is dead.
Bonus Wikipedia Nonsense!
The song is about Ludacris telling a girl to shake her buttocks for money. He states that he has money for her if she shakes her butt.
Something’s not quite right about that “Stars Are Blind” video. Maybe I can fix it….
Might as well be consistent.