URGH! A Music Blog


Pretty Much Idiotic!

Posted in Napoleon Dynamite,Pop by M on May 5, 2007

I have come to revile the two-word qualifier “pretty much”. It’s bad!

Why? First off, it’s wishy-washy. Defend your opinions, bloggers! The Killers are either acceptable or awful; they aren’t “pretty much my favorite band.” Really, they aren’t.

More importantly, the words “pretty much” make everyone sound like Napoleon Dynamite. Not only is your statement weak, it’s couched in Dynamite’s hoarse, childish whine. People, the world needs far fewer Napoleon Dynamites.

A fake Napoleon Dynamite

The web’s worst “pretty much” offender? None other than Pitchfork Media! Their headline “Peter Hook Pretty Much Confirms New Order’s Demise” today had me frothing at the mouth. Show me some muscular prose, music dweebs!

I did a Google search for “pretty much” on Pitchfork. 24,500 results! Pitchfork authors have used the mealymouthed, movie cliched phrase possibly tens of thousands of times! The Brooklyn Vegan and Stereogum losers don’t even come close.

I’m issuing a fatwa! Any music publications which want to be taken seriously must write seriously! No half-assed, unenforced statements! No mumbled, disinterested headlines! No “pretty much”!

Bonus Hypocrisy: I’ve used the forbidden phrase once before here at the URGH! I describing Schiller’s music as “pretty much an album long riff on the same chord progressions as Phil Collins’s ‘In The Air Tonight’.”

In my defense, I cannot hear Napoleon Dynamite quoting my words. However, take out “pretty much” and I can almost hear them coming from between the pearly whites of Patrick Bateman….

Christian Bale as Patrick Bateman in American Psycho, holding an axe.

“I really wish Patrick Bateman would start a music blog,” says Brooklyn Vegan reader Will. Make it happen B.E. Ellis! We’ll compare business cards later.