I Ain’t Missing You!

ATTENTION ASIAN WOMEN!

It may take two decades, but you will be replaced by a white girl:

And they don’t come much whiter than bluegrass musicians….

For context, Alison Krauss recently teamed up with John Waite to remake his 80s hit “Missing You”. But history is being whitewashed!

1984: John Waite pisses off his Asian girlfriend and she moves out. She quickly becomes a famous model and he sees her everywhere. But when she comes back to his apartment, he has his headphones on and can’t hear her knocking! The course of interracial love never did run smooth!

2007: John Waite records “Missing You” as a duet with Alison Krauss. The connection they share in the studio leads to a friendly handshake afterwards, but soon John decides to turn around and pursue Alison. To rape her! That’s true white people love!

Bonus Bluegrass Pedantry: Can we really consider Krauss’s version of “Missing You” to be bluegrass? It employs a string section as syrupy as any Diane Warren abomination, with only the faintest of guitar picking. If all it takes is a slight gesture of acoustic plucking, then everything up to Days of the New II is a bluegrass album. Perhaps Travis Meeks should make that career move.