Timbaland Behind The Scenes

[NOTE: Our URGH! stealth team has uncovered the following IM conversation, revealing the secret evil of the new Timbaland album. Beware!]

Timba
Shock Value is pretty good so far. But I want to make it more challenging.

Timba
And by challenging, I mean “bad.”

Timba
What can I do? Any ideas?

Justified
Add you going “YEAH!” to every track, like you did for “Sexyback”.

Timba
Eh…

Justified
Add ME going “YEAH!” too! And make people drink every time we say it!

Timba
That’s good for starters. But how about this track “Bounce”? Let’s give it some bad lyrics. STUPID lyrics.

Timba
I’ll start it off poorly.
LEMME SEE THEM BIG TITTIES!

Missy
LOL classy!

Timba
So Dre?

Dre
What up, dog?

Timba
You have a bad lyric? How about something needlessly racist?

Dre
Yeah, I got one.

Dre
BLACK AND CHINESE LIKE SUM YUNG HO.

Missy
LOL

Dre
I GOT A BUNGALOW.

Timba
Perfect.

Dre
PANTY ANTHEM.

Timba
That’s enough.

Missy
I know what people don’t want to hear about: my body parts!

Justified
Oh no!

Missy
MMM HMM
BIG OL BUTT!
THICK LEGS
BIG OL JUGS!

Timba
YEAH!

M.I.A.
SIDEKICK RINGS
WHASSUP? HOLLA!
TEXT THE ADDRESS
I’LL SEE YOU LATA!
BABY COME DOWN!

Timba
Damnit, M.I.A., you’re not on this track!

M.I.A.
COME DOWN COME DOWN COME DOWN!

M.I.A.
RUN DOWN RUN DOWN RUN DOWN!

M.I.A.
RUN-DUCKA RUN-DUCKA RUN-DUCKA
RUN-DUCKA RUN-DUCKA RUN-DUCKA
RUN DOWN!

Justified
Damn girl!

Timba
M.I.A., get out of here!

M.I.A.
DUN-DUDDA-DUN-DUDDA-DUN-DUDDA-DUN-DUN!
DUN-DUDDA-DUN-DUDDA-DUN-DUDDA-DUN-DUN!
BEAT GOES ON!

Timba
That’s it—your song is OFF the album! Now it’s only a bonus track!

Missy
Why does that girl sing about texting so much, anyway?

Justified
Cause she’s Asian.

Missy
LOL

Dre
Like Sum Yung Ho!

Timba
Back to business: Justin, we need a chorus. Something about bouncing.

Timba
Something with an awful mental image.

Missy
Like crotch rot.

Timba
But with bouncing.

Justified
OK how about this?

Timba
Bounce!

Justified
LIKE YOUR ASS HAD THE HICCUPS!

Timba
Bounce!

Justified
LIKE WE WAS RIDIN IN MY PICK-UP!

Timba
YEAH!

Dre
Damn!

Justified
MENAGE A TROIS! MENAGE A TROIS!

Timba
OK Justin.

Justified
MENAGE A TROIS! MENAGE A TROIS!

Timba
Settle down.

Justified
Sorry.

Timba
Not until you’re older.

Bonus Information: This astute track-by-track review of Shock Value by Byron Crawford. It’s like he read my mind!