When I Drop Beats I’m The One Man Band Man!

Starbucks continues its musical necromancy by issuing a new James Taylor compilation!

James Taylor, a One Man Band man? Where have we heard that before…?

That Swizz Beatz/Deerhoof mash-up from a couple months ago made me very happy. And from the filename—“Someone’s swizz-deerhoof mash up we found”—it seems like the remix was an equally unexpected delight for the band itself.

Is it any wonder that James Taylor seems to be crying out for the same treatment? His title is almost identical to Swizz’s—it’s his own personal Bat Signal! We can only hope this mystery remixer will add the Swizz touch to Taylor’s mellow guitar.

Besides, “Your Smiling Face” makes for a killer sample.

She’s Dying To Survive!

Their toxic Paul McCartney promotion is just about over with, but apparently it’s still not safe for me to walk into a Starbucks.

While waiting for my five -dollar Strawberry Quik, I heard a wretched, bogus baritone coming from the store speakers. Then I recognized the lyrics: this was a Sade cover! “There is a woman in Somalia!”—It’s “Pearls”!

And then, to back up this white-boy intercontinental crooning: some Santana-esque guitar!

I busted out in full-on laughter. People stared; it was bad. But it was so ridiculously insulting that I couldn’t believe this cover was actually happening.

Then I did a search: this cover is from Angelique Kidjo‘s new album Djin Djin, a collection of adult contemporary duets. The offenders on this track were Josh Groban and Carlos Santana himself!

Kidjo is African, so she has enough cred to cover a song about the harsh lives of African women. But Santana is even less evocative of Somalia than Toto is. And Groban is just plain awful.

I can’t understand why anyone would give some smarmy white guy any sort of authority on problems facing the African—oh wait:

Sealbucks

A: “There are Seal lyrics on my Starbucks cup.�

M: “I was wondering how I contracted lupus from my Caramel Apple Steamer.�